Gina Gina

malletschic @ 2004-05-23T23:36:00

2004-05-24T04:01:46Z

Well i'm updating

Kinda tired, and could fall asleep but i would just wake up at 4 am so no need to do that.

It has been a good weekend. Dont want to go back to school but only got 7 days left so whatever right? I was thinking at work today. and i think it is being at school that aggravates me more then the people there. Just the environment itself if that makes sense. I never wanted to be there before but had a reason to go. Now theres no reason. I dont have practices or competitions that i have to be in school to be able to participate. So now it's just how ever many hours of wasting time so it irrates me then people start talking and i want to tell them to shut up but dont. I love not having to go to school. Summer soo close but this will be the looongest week.

My boss is going on vacation next week. so i get to work 33 hours. thatll be interesting. I work sunday through friday. Then saturday i'll have a parade in the morning, go to jamies grad party, then to kyles then back to jamies for the night. Just to wake up and work sunday again. oh the joys. I'll make alot of money that week though so thats always a plus.

I need to talk to momma k and find out if i'm gonna have to pay next time i go in to the office. cause i wont be 18 but would've graduated. gotta figure that one out so that if i do have to pay that i have the money.

So my last post i was really upset. that was the peak of everything so i should be good for the next couple weeks. yay. Theres a pattern to everything. just wish i knew how to prevent it from happening in the first place.

I dont know what kyle and i are.. like the title. friends, just talking, friends with benefits, dating. Yeah i just don't know. whats funny is for sports both our numbers are 14 and we starting, i guess, seeing each other on the 14th. I thought that was kinda interesting haha.

I decided i have to start exercising. there has been many sad attempts to start but nothing ever lasted more then a day. But i almost have to now. Without indoor, theres not physical activity. And from the way i eat, i need it or it'll catch up with me real fast. I ran a mile today and did lots of ab things. It's been a good 3-4 weeks since i've sweated like that haha.

I had coffee beanry yesterday. I think i spelled that wrong but thats ok. Im used to ordering from starbucks, so i said frappacino and the lady was like "what?" people these days.

I've had some wierd dreams lately. Like i'll dream something and then i'll see it. Like i had a dream that i told cristy to get me a frap. and i had one the next day. even though in the dream she didn't(bitch) haha then i had a dream i was eating peanuts, and Mrs pollock had them lastnight. Theres more stuff but its strange.

well i'm done. This doesn't say much. I was bored and didn't have much else to do. Hope you've enjoyed. Goodnight.

It's too hard.

2004-05-20T19:31:13Z

It's so hard to act happy when you're depressed...

When it first starts it's not that bad but after about a week it becomes to much. I was really short with people today and i'm not sorry about it so i wont apologize. The only good thing about being this is what ever it is i want to say comes out. It comes out loudly so i am told to stop yelling or to calm down. Sorry i cant calm down about that.

I never came to you and cried on your shoulder so i dont know what in the hell she is talking about. It doesnt have to do with you and her.

I - Don't - Give - A - Fuck

about anything... right now atleast

This is who i am. You never knew because you were never around. I'm trying to get rid of this but it keeps coming back. Its getting harder to deal with.
Nothing seems to help me anymore.

I left the school upset today. Sat in my car for a few minutes and cried. I really didn't want to leave. really just wanted to talk but couldn't. i need to talk things out with someone. Probably going to jamies tonight. Might not go to school tomorrow so that'll make good old Chelsey happy. Shell have you all to herself.

Which is fine. We're not dating. Why should I care? Hmm...

Thanks for trusting me.

2004-05-19T03:16:23Z

So much has happened this week. I dont know where to begin and i probably shouldn't put all of it in here so i won't.

Had the band concert tonight. It went well i suppose. I messed up in africa. I was kinda upset but got over it.

Went to McDonalds afterwards as usual. It was alright i suppose. Getting an award that i'm not going to accept at the band banquet. Theres no reason for things to make things any worse then what they already are.

After McDs i went to walmart to get stuff for Lindseys preschool day. I got depressed while i was in walmart for some reason. I dont know why. The past couple nights i was fine and happy, but now i'm on the verge of crying. I dont know why. I'm so tired and need to sleep, but i know if i go in my room i'll cry and cry. I hate these nights. They are when i need a hug the most and no one is around.

Yelled at my mom. She was being stupid. Kept asking stupid ass questions over and over after i already answered them. I feel bad that i took things out on her. but she doesn't understand when to stop. If i actualy told her why i was like this she wouldn't do anything about. Just say that i'm fine and nothing is wrong.

I miss my Pap.

I have another game tomorrow, then i get to work again thursday. Friday another half day of school, going to play softball with people then the band banquet. Not really looking forward to that one but it should be alright i guess. Dont have to work saturday. Happy about that one. Drive in? Probably.

<3

i miss everything

2004-05-10T07:04:25Z

So it's about 2:30 in the morning... hold that thought i gots ta pee...

Alrighty then.

So as I was i saying. I can't sleep. I tried. laid there for an hour then just gave up. I'm starting to think i should give up on some other things as well even though it'll be hard.. thats one thing i should have learned.. but didn't.

I honestly hate being judged.

At first i felt really bad and hated myself for what happened. Then i remember how you felt and decided it wasn't worth worrying about you since you never gave a rats ass about me. THEN you called me a whore. Now, i just don't give a damn. I dont care how much you get hurt. Ahh so much too say but just can't.

I've realized that alot of my friends that i've known for the past 4 years dont know very much about me. They dont know of my relationships, friends, or any of my problems. For whatever reason i have always been given the title of a whore which is total bullshit. If They only knew how i felt about things maybe it would be different. Whores dont fall for people, they fall on people. Usually right on the cock. If you honestly think i'm like that, fuck off. Thats about all i have to say about that.

One thing i can't complain about is the fact that this year i have become alot closer to people that i have just started to hang out with basically this year. Sure there was always the occasional hang out or hello when we saw each other, but i've become alot closer with linds, beth, tori and phumelele. Jamie and i drifted for a little, but that was my fault. I was depressed and didn't deal with anything. But everything is good again. atleast with her. I'm always depressed. Trying to get over it alone.. hasn't worked out yet but you'll have that at times.

I hate seeing my friends get hurt. Even though we have never had the chance to have a normal friendship, i would still consider you a close friend. I would love to help you out, but you are banned from talking to me which kills me..

I honestly dont know where things are going to go. I know i said i would wait, but it was alot easier to say then to actually do. We were given a second chance, but it seems to be passing by... i have horrible timing..

I'm not going to sleep tonight. I have to wake up in 3 hours anyways.

It all seems to be bullshit.

prom over all sucked But there were some goodtimes

Saw and talk to Ryan for a little. I haven't talked to him for a loong time. I miss the long talks we used to have.

malletschic @ 2004-05-08T15:24:00

2004-05-08T19:24:46Z

Things need to be set straight. You shouldn't have to put up the all the bullshit. I don't know how it explain it to you..

pretty.

2004-05-07T04:48:51Z

Beth is home! i was excited to see her.. sorta :) haha i missed hating her... heh

Got my nails done! they are awesome. Thanks to lauren.

Woo hoo.. tonight turned out to be good. Yay.

beth made my journal spiffy. yep she did.

malletschic @ 2004-05-06T20:35:00

2004-05-07T00:36:52Z

I should update, but it'll be best if I wait.. I hate waiting.

two ways to look at things and they both suck. woo.

why must you fuck with my life.

2004-05-04T22:46:25Z

well since i can't put anything in here with out people assuming different things, i made my previous entry private. It didnt even cut it for a friends list cause i dont know what is going on.

I wasn't in school for a day, and rumors are being spread. i think i know who it is that started them. I never really liked her anyways so its ok.

haha this one is my favorite..
8th period yesterday, during a meeting, i was sitting on a table, and kyle was standing next to me rubbing my back. First of all, Mr. B was the one sitting on the table, and kelly was sitting on a chair which i was standing behind playing with her hair. so unless kelly is a table.. i dunno.

Just stay out of my life and mind your own business.

I hate people.

malletschic @ 2004-04-25T17:58:00

2004-04-25T22:20:39Z

Percussion got third. Gateway pisses me off. Although i did talk to one of the guys in the group and he was nice, but they should be in Open. And the one judge if a fuck.

Guard got first! It was awesome. We all cried. It was beautiful.

Joylyn upset me. Afterwards she told me
" No offense, but I'm glad to see the guard get first and not the percussion."

That would be like if after of her softball games that they lose, saying "JIGGA I'm glad you lost." JIGGA what the fuck. (she always says jigga.)

I saw Deanne yesterday for a little. That was fun But i didnt see her after that.

I worked a long day today. 8 1/2 hours. thats a long time with shoes.

Tomorrow i work 2:30-6 then have practice 6-9
Tuesday i work 1-6 then have practice 6-9

Wednesdsay going to some museum then leaving for Wildwood, NJ. I cant wait.

malletschic @ 2004-04-18T21:35:00

2004-04-19T01:50:34Z

I've been sick since wednesday. Blah

Friday was supposed to go to Alexis's house because the fastpitch team was having a team party and they all wanted me there i guess.. but i heard it was canceled. I guess at the game or whatever they decided it have it. Jamie and joy left a message on my cell phone. But i didn't go. I felt like shit and had to wake up and be at the school at 9:30.

So I guess i was called a party pooper because i didn't go. Fuck that. If you were hacking up the shit i was, not beginning able to sleep because of coughing fits and just blah... you wouldn't want to go out drinking all night either.. only to wake up and listen to the pounding of drums and gock blocks.

Had to get that out. For some reason, when im sick it's no big deal and i'm all fine and dandy to others. I dont want to get baby, but i hate people people say shit.

Anyways, I went to Frums Friday after work til 12. then me and marcy came back here. And went right to bed. Woke up coughing alot.

Woke up around 7:30am got ready, Mcds breakfast, Practices then competition

FIRST PLACE! In both Percussion AND Guard. WoOt.

Went to cristys afterwards. Played monopoly and put peeps in the microwave. gave one to the dog... that was very amusing.

Bed. Coughing haha. I think i coughed in cristys face. haha. I hit my head on the ceiling once, but not to hard.

Today was a nice day. Jayden is awesome.

malletschic @ 2004-04-13T23:07:00

2004-04-14T03:57:17Z

ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with? Fasha
2. What is your weapon of choice? I dont like violence
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? possibly
4. How about of the same sex? Probably not.. maybe kelly haha
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? Cristy seemed annoyed, not quite pissed. I like to Piss off Shasteen though.
6. What is your pet peeve? oh i couldn't name all of them
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? Depends. Eventually they are let go.

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time? Care about things
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? i think 6
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? Steph Turk
4. What is the last lame excuse you made? ha, It's in my car
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through? yep
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in? not recently
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? about 6

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? coffee
2. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event? Never kept track. Thats gay.
3. Have you ever used a professional diet company? nope
4. Do you have an issue with your weight? many times
5. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods? sweets and salty
6. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought food? thats an awesome question!

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked? 6or7?
2. How many people have seen YOU naked? i dont know.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? no
4. Have you "done it"? Come on and say it.. Sex. and again.. Sex. not that big a deal and yes.
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? eyes. hair if you count that as a body part
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? no haha
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? yes but not because i had anything or whatever.

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own? zero
2. What's your guilty pleasure store? haha kmart? i don't know about the pleasure though.
3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? Not spend. Save it and live off the interest. and would still work with kmart shoes. haha. still go to college.
4. Would you rather be rich, or famous? rich. I would hate to be famous
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? Depends.
6. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah but nothing major
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? 446. But most are actually from cds that i bought and extracted on to the computer. boo ya.

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of? learned from mistakes
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of? they like all my friends and all the band schtuff
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life? a career first off and be happy with someone
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? usually.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors? not that i know of?
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? I thought that was the point of cheating?
7. What did you do today that you're proud of? made money? Slept?

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own? cristys dog. momma k.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with? Cristy. She said she would get rid of my bunk beds. I'm about to go jump on the top bunk somehow and break it.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Angelina jolie or Ellen Degeneres because i like them.
4. Have you ever been cheated on? I believe so.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? uh huh
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? skinner.. smaller i guess
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey? nope.. unless i would get paid for it.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? i dont know the deadly sins... wait.. oh.. ok.. i just got it. If i cared i might have figured it out haha. Either Sloth or anger

The Seven Heavenly Virtues

FAITH
1. What religion do you follow? My own.
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property? human
4. Do you believe in magic? no
5. What was the last promise you broke? i never really promise just say i'll do stuff
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it? i dont pray
7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect? no one. NO ONE.

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season? Wasn't even expecting anything. It was a surprise.
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for? success
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure? not usually.
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? no
6. Do you gamble? no
7. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway? maybe?

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support? If i have the money then anything.
2. What causes have you given money or time to? I give money alot, but i don't know what it is supporting.
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless? no.
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel? I thought about it for a minute or two.
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street? No.
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent, etc.? Thats what i'm here for.
7. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need? i dunno. they know if they need anything to come to me so.

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of? Being alone in a dark house.
2. What did you do today that was really brave? Drove?
3. Who is your favorite superhero, and why? Qual Man haha
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone? yes
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart? brains
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? no
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower? both at times i guess.

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? no
2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it? Hello Canada.
3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)? no. Let them suffer a slow painful death...
4. Which should be guaranteed legal? i think part of the question is missing?
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA? sure?
6. What was your favorite media circus trial? yea i really dont care for that stuff
7. Have you ever written a letter to a politician? dont care enough to

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on? exercise
2. Do you collect anything? Monkeys. Stuffed. Knick Knack things. anything monkey. *Hint* hehe
3. Are you addicted to anything? ramen, slushie, coffee
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan? i dont think so.
5. What's your preferred method of paying for things? cash
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do? ended a relationship
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things? no. i let things go for the most part.

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know? Mr. Corbin haha. I dont know.
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil? i dont think so. i think it was a dream.
3. Do you take advice when it's given? Not right away. I have to think about things til i change my mind.
5. Do you drive defensively? sure?
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? well i'm not married.. but no
7. What did you learn today? A slushie and cheesebread with my discount is $2.34
8. And of course, what is your favorite heavenly virtue? probably temperance i really don't know.

malletschic @ 2004-04-10T02:16:00

2004-04-10T06:25:55Z

Break has been Awesome so far.

Wings was fun. Kelly and i looked like little kids with sauce all over us. Kelly was really bad though. Adam didn't have to be home at a certain time so we went to the mall. We played with the computers. Took a picture. I have to check to see if it sent.

Cristy got me addicted to coffee.

We went to see my gram thrusday. I miss her. Now that things are slowing down, i'll visit her more.

After that cristy and i went to robinson mall again to get my dress. Got more coffee.

People came over thursday night. Played pool and cards.

Worked today. Improv. Eat n Park

Now i'm here

Goodbye.

for serious

2004-04-07T22:57:07Z

i am at the mall with kelly, cristy, marcy,and adam.

we are oh so cool.

the computers are like mall directories. heh.
kelly can't login &is getting angry.
~kelly
i am awesome. :) ...seriously.

mmm starbucks

adam is having trouble. to much noncoffee and little girl stores.

It's not worth my time

2004-04-06T02:21:25Z

I have alot to complain about, but it's no use because it's not going to change anything.

All i can say is that percussion was horrible.. snares still dont know thier notes for the opener. I dont play my part perfect.. but i know it.. all of it.

We got a "you're not working hard enough speech" Personally i'm sick of hearing it. Yes it has to be said because it's true for the majority of the group. but i dont want to hear it because i am. I stayed after school for over an hour today, with a met. and practiced just to return to the school in an hour and a half for rehearsal to hear shit come form the line.

theres so much to say. but you dont care to hear about it.

Tomorrow i have guard 6-9. I hope that goes better.

Wednesday i'm going to quaker steak and lube with marcy and adam. that should be fun.

Thats all im going to say tonight.

malletschic @ 2004-04-04T23:38:00

2004-04-05T03:37:59Z

Now for a real update..

2004-04-04T23:14:07Z

I was too tired last night.. and i'm really tired now since i had to wake up and go to work today.. anyways

The Gateway Clipper was so much fun! Hatcher and I talked on the way home. That was cool. We talked about home life and just stuff, and we understand what each other goes through.

Saturday, we were supposed tohave the gym but didn't. Grr. Guard took the floor mat outside. and it almost blew away. percussion practiced on the patio.

During the percussion show, my horn fell off. The show wasn't bad. The second tenor solo wasn't all that great.. either was the one in the last song. oh well. The judges liked it. We got an 82.something.

Guard just pissed me off. The group acts like little kids. Can't stretch with out someone there to supervise us. I hate when people dick around before a show. Jeffy says he needs to be nervous before a show to do well. Meanwhile he's not even thinking about it. He went out for his solo and didn't even do the correct work... and laughed about it. It killed me. Also he didn't do his little arm,leg thing. Everyone else has to do little body things but jeffy just takes them right now.

I love Jeffy. He's one of my best friends, but he just pisses me off sometimes.

I'm going to catch up on some sleep.

malletschic @ 2004-04-04T01:18:00

2004-04-04T06:18:12Z

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

Competition today. I'm tired. Goodnight.

P.S. I love candy necklaces.

malletschic @ 2004-03-30T22:46:00

2004-03-31T03:59:26Z

YES OR NO
x. Do the voices talk only to you: no
x. Are you straight: yes
x. Are you short: no
x. Do you own a hot pink shirt: yes
x. Do you like Marilyn Manson: i dont really listen to him, but liked the songs i have heard.
x. Did you ever touch someone else's no-no spot: yes
x. Do you shop at Hot Topic: yes
x. Do you remember your dreams: most of the time
x. Do you talk a lot: Not really
x. Are you afraid of clowns: some
x. Can you drive: yes
x. Are you an only child: no

The date : 3.30.04
How was your day: i was tired today but it wasn't all that bad.
Main event of today: brusters
What really happened today : school, food, work, fashion bug, brusters, here.
What did you want to happen : not go to school and sleep... well seeing someone would've been cool, but it wouldn't happen anyways.
First song you heard today : i dont know
First thing you ate today : banana
First person you touched today : i think jeffy
First thing you said today: "Okay, I know.. Yes.."
Who did you talk to most today : Cristy
What did you wear today : sweatpants, jeffy's hoodie. work clothes
Who made you smile today : alot of people.
Who made you mad today : no one
Who made you cry today : no one today
Who did you want to have sex with today : no one really haha
What do you want today : cds
What more are you doing today : Sleeping.. maybe reading
Best thing of the day: brusters
Worst thing : waking up
Best person : Mrs Kahler
Worst person : kelly, she wasn't in class today.

Did you..
Get on the computer today : well i am using the computer to do this...
Watch tv : yes.. but not really. wasn't watching anything.. just sitting for a little before work.
Take a shower : yes
Brush your teeth : yes
Kiss anyone : Nope
Hug anyone : eh not really.
Have sex with any one: nope, not for a while.
Eat : banana, chips, crackers, snickers, cereal, hot dogs, chicken, pretzel w/ cheese, and ice cream.
Listen to the radio : in the morning
Fall in love : Nope
Cry: Not today
Do drugs: nope
Steal: no

What time did you wake up today : i woke up at 6 but didn't get up til 6:45
How many times did you hit snooze : 5 or 6
What time are you going to bed tonight : Soon.
What are you doing tomorrow : school, something with cristy, then practice
What do you want to happen tomorrow : To talk to you.

yay

2004-03-28T05:23:26Z

Camp kon o kwe was on friday! i haven't had that much fun for a while! Did the climbing wall, had races, got bruised.

Played some football, kick ball, and frez bee in the mud.

Our group had a buffet.

Did the trust fall. I was scared and wanted to cry be cause people were rushing me. But i did it.

I want to go back. It was fun being with everyone again.

Competition today!!

From the begining of percussion practice, it didn't look like the day was going to go well.. but it did! The show was one our best run throughs.

Guard did good too. We are still last but the score went up about 5 points. We're catching up Avonsworth. :p

Saw Deanne. Yay. :)
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus. I saw him again on the way to the buses! He's a bus driver!

Santa was at the competition. it was crazy.

After we were done there, we went to Mcds. I had 20pc nugget and 2pies. but still wanted more.. and jeffy wanted to see how much he could eat since he had 10 nuggets and a sandwich and fries.. so we took up a donation for more money and order 40 more nuggets.. it was great. We finished them.

Thats about it. :)

Why do I put my self through it.

2004-03-25T03:12:39Z

I made a promise to myself that i wouldn't do Indoor Percussion this year. I wish I could just quit, right now and not go to practice tomorrow. Not listen to speeches of responsiblity. I do my part. So i forgot my newspaper for a practice or two? Atleast i know my notes. I can care less about the damn paper. It was my fault that i didn't have it and i had it this week so i fixed my mistake.

NOTES. Jesus Christ. I wouldn't even want to be at practice if i didnt know the music that i was going to be playing... or not playing for that matter. You say you were practicing and that they could trust that you were practicing.. You didn't even know where your damn music was!!

I'm sick trying so hard when its not worth it at all. The floor mat is a piece of shit. We have to have it set up so the guard knows what they doing but it no use trying to help.. some people are bullheaded.. i think thats the right word.. i dont' care

Then people complain about being there so late.. Well if they weren't standing around with their thumbs up their asses we wouldn't be there til 20 after.

I really dont care about anything right now. I have so much shit to do and just can't bring myself to do it. I have to try to pull it together tonight and finish most of it but i dont think i will. I'm supposed to go to breakfast tomorrow but i'm not going. that way i can stay up later and still sleep in. so i can make it through the practiceS tomorrow.

My binder of music is gone. There was soo much music in there. It gone.

I dont want to wake up tomorrow, or next day. I dont want to live this life anymore. I want to hang out with friends and have fun. Since these are supposed to be the best days of my life... I hate it... HATE IT.

I guess i'm playing softball this summer. I REALLY dont want to though. But i was so sick of being bothered with it. Everyday someone would ask me and try to make fe feel bad. I didn't feel bad but just can't take it anymore. So thats another i'm going to be doing that i dont want to do.

Let me live my life.

Dad can kiss my ass. The only time he is nice is when he is drunk or wants something. I really hate it here. I want to leave for a little.

hello there

2004-03-22T04:59:53Z

I want to complain but don't like to complain to people.

I complain alot.

Anyways. Interp. Writing. We read three short stories in class, and are supposed to write a begining or ending to one of the stories. I can't do things like that. If i could i would be in creative writing. bah.

I sucked at the guard show. Completely sucked. Well really only at the sabre part. but still. I just let go of the damn thing. Then i tossed the triple and caught it right.. yea.. so then we do a half then single.. Definitely dropped the HALF! I was pissed. so then we go to do a flat toss. Dropped that too. I did all of it fine in warm ups. Worst show for Gina. She was pissed.

I felt bad because I was a dick to people afterwards. Sorry. I was really pissed.

Was told I'm hotT as a girl. I guess if i have make up, and curl my hair i become hott. Maybe thats why i'm single.. i dont do the girl things. Oh well.

In between the shows, i got all depressed for some reason. I didnt want to be there. If Deanne was there, I would've had someone to talk to. I just felt alone for some reason.

Cristy sat with me on the bus. that was fun. After we got home we went to wendys haha
I cant' explain how funny this was. We ordered 2 of everything on the dollar menu. Except for the salads because they didn't have any left. But we got extra nuggets instead. So each of us had
2 orders of 5pc nuggets
Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger
Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe
Frosty
Drink
Baked Potato
Chili
Fries

Thats alot of food haha. The total came to $16 something. We couldn't stop laughing while ordering. They probably thought we were high. They didn't Charge us for the potatoes.. the sucked anyways.
I ate pretty much everything.. Not all of the potato because it was one of the last things i ate, and it was nasty. And we saved the frostys for the morning. Ha, cristy had nuggets for breakfast.

anyways. i have alot to say but it's not worth typing out. Because it doesn't matter if it in here or not.
but i will say

I'm glad you had a good time... without me.

That could be toward a couple people. But no one in particular and no ones fault but mine. I've fucked up alot.

malletschic @ 2004-03-14T00:21:00

2004-03-14T05:38:38Z

My parents need to grow up.

You know how people who have been friends since 1st grade fight? then are best friends within a day? thats how my parents are. But i wouldn't say they are best friends.

I hope I never have to go through what my mom has gone through. I wouldn't put up with it personally.

She told me she wasn't going to talk to him, but the next day, they got in to a big fight. Glad i wasn't here. I came home and mom told me about it. And said she was filing for divorice. Honestly, i wish she would. She really needs to get away from him. Niether of them want to live. They are unhappy. Why put up with it?

It's so annoying.

I saw andrew today! He gave me a big big hug. I love hugging him. Thank you. It meant alot.

You can't judge irrational actions from a rational persective

2004-03-12T04:40:54Z

3 more days and my life wont be so much of a hell anymore. It'll still be a little hectic but not so much.

The first musical show is tomorrow. I'm excited for it. But i have to work Saturday and go to the show after then the same sunday.

I still have to talk to Jamie. I dont know when I will be able to do that.

I dont like life at home is going to be getting better right now. Actually, I know it'll be getting worse. There will be so much tension between the parents and I'll be stuck in the middle as usual. They will both come up to me complaining about the other. I really don't want to hear it. Mom complains that she doesn't want him around. I tell her to leave if she that unhappy but she won't. Then Dad just talks down to everyone. He's been acting wierd lately.. and i realized why today.

He is a recovering alcoholic. He starting drinking a couple months back but went back to this place to stop. When he came back he was a complete dick. But he got better. Well today after school tried to talk to me. I smelled alcohol on his breath but thought "oh no he wouldn't start up again." But after he kept talking and how he was talking and everything i realized he was drunk.

Mom has been short with me since our arguement about softball. She won't talk to me. Nows she's not talking to Dad. I dont like being here. Even though i'm only here at night, thats too much.

This afternoon my dad told me he loves me. He said it like 28 times. And said all this crap about wanting to help me with school and basically just praising himself and how great of a person he is. It's not very often someone says i am loved. He was drunk. He has told me before, but only when something has gone wrong or someone was argueing. Mom never says she loves me. When I was younger she would, but i'd have to say it first and when she said it seemed like it was a job for her to do, not because she wanted to.

That might be why it is so hard for me to say now. I can't tell someone i love them. If I do, I cry everytime. I really hate crying. This is the first night in a long time i've actually just cried and got out everything that has been built up.

I was talking to Mr. Hammond today about softball. He said that i was going to regret it and that "these are the best years of my life." I told him that if these are supposed to be the best, then i dont want to live the rest of my life.

Don't go to the damn guidance office and tell them that you think i am suicial. I'm not. It was just a statement. I added this because I was called down twice last year.

I enjoy somethings that I am doing. But not enough of them to cancel out the other things. Lots of things should be fixed after high school. Atleast I hope so.

i can't take much more of this...

2004-03-08T05:38:06Z

There so much shit going on right now. I can't wait until the musical is over and i actually have sometime to myself. I do so much during the week and its like people don't realize.

Sorry I can't tell you something as soon as it happens. I dont have the time dammit!

That really kills me. I don't have time to even talk to people about anything or just have fun or relax for a little.

I fall asleep for 10 mins in between practices just so i can somewhat make it through the next one. Just to come home and get nagged by someone and them telling me how hard it is to talk to me. Give me a fucking break. I told you my sheledule and that i need to work to keep up with things. But thats not good enough, huh?

I have so much to say to so many people it's just all coming out at once. Its probably confusing.

I saw Deanne lastnight. That made me very happy but i didn't get to see her very long :( I have to keep in touch with her more. I miss her so much. I was thinking about her at work and wanted to cry. Lucky i was in the back most of the time.

I feel so alone anymore. Like no one knows how i feel, but some have too. I hate when people ask my opinion and just say "no you don't understand." once that happens i stop listening because it's not worth my time if someone is going to be like that.

Things aren't going well right now. I tell people they are getting better when asked. "I'm doing good, much better then before." When really I'm just going down down down. But I've learned hide behind my smile.

I'm done for now.

yes.. i'm very bored

2004-02-29T05:01:19Z

i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Gina
2. single or taken: single.. as usual
3. sex: take a wild guess.
4. birthday: 7*29
6. siblings: 3
7. hair color: blondish
8. eye color: i guess blue
9. shoe size: 9.5
10. height: 5'6

r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends?: jamie, beth, kelly, cristy
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: i did just say i was single right?

f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: i like hot topic, but i dont buy clothes.. just like the place.
2. any tattoos or piercings: ears, tongue, naval

s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: not usually
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: whatever is in there.. suave right now i think?
3. what are you most scared of?: being alone and dark rooms
5. who is the last person that called you?: i think my mom
6. where do you want to get married?: where? i dont know
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 15 but 7 are away.. i need to cut the list down again cause i dont talk to people on there much.
8. what would you change about yourself?: lots of things

f a v o r i t e s
1. color: grey
2. food: ramen, cheesecake, peanutbutter and jelly
3. boys names: none
4. girls names: none
5. subjects in school: math
6. animals: monkeys
7. sports: haha band

h a v e y o u e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: jayden
2. smoked?: uh huh
3. bungee jumped?: nah
4. made yourself throw up?: yeep
5. skinny dipped?: nope
6: ever been in love?: yeah..
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: not really if i cry i cry because i need to.
8. pictured your crush naked?: don't need to picture it haha
9. actually seen your crush naked?: if you want to call im a crush then yes.
10. cried when someone died?: Yes.
11. lied: i have but i wish i never did
12. fallen for your best friend?: no
13. been rejected?: well i wouldn't really call it rejected because i never make an effort to be with anyone.
14. rejected someone?: yeah i guess
15. used someone?: not really
16. done something you regret?: many many things

c u r r e n t
clothes: Jeffys hoodie, jeans, socks
music: Mom's watching the tv
make-up: none
annoyance: i'm exhausted but can't sleep
smell: my house?
favorite group:? probably dashboard or less than jake
desktop picture: jayden.. mom picks that..
book youre reading: i started to read Ellen Degeneres' book
in cd player: Blink 182
in dvd player: Up here Lion King 1 1/2, downstairs.. i dont think anything
color of toenails: nothing

l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched: jayden
hugged: jayden but.. before that.. im not sure.. i hugged someone at guard lastnight.. but i haven't had a good hug for a while.
you imed: cristy
you yelled at: probably my mom but i never mean it.
you kissed: Ryan

a r e | y o u
understanding: yes
open-minded: i usually am.. but i dont think i am as much as i wish to be
arrogant: someone said i was
insecure: yes
interesting: theres alot to know about me.. most dont know anything
random: not much
hungry: not at the moment
smart: Yeah.
moody: Yes
hard working: When i want to be
organized: No
healthy: I guess so.. not dead yet..
shy: sometimes
difficult: sometimes
attractive: i dunno.. you'll have to decide that one
bored easily: not if there is someone around
messy: uh huh
obsessed: nah

R A N D O M

In the morning i am: tired
all i need is: a hug. A real hug. From someone that wants to give me a hug. not just because i said i need one.
love is: love
i dream about: wierd shit..and relationships

o p p o s i t e s e x
what do you notice first: smile
last person you slow danced with: oh wow.. no clue..
worst question to ask: Do you love me
makes you laugh the most: Kenny
makes you smile: Andrew
who do you have a crush on: i'm not all to sure
who has a crush on you: no one that i know of

d o y o u e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: no
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: no
wish you were younger: Yes. i thought about that the other day.
cried because someone said something to you?: yes.

N u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: once or twice
of hearts i have broken: 3 or 4
of guys ive kissed: i dont keep count. lemmie think... ever about 9 or 10.. real kisses.. probably 6 or 7
of girls ive kissed: none.. yet i'm a dyke? hmmmm
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: 1 maybe 2
of cds i own: dont ask that
of scars on my body: no clue.. i don't feel like counting .. there are too many

F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like fillings these out?: No but i'm bored
2. gold or silver: silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: Return of the King
7. favorite cartoon/anime?: South Park
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Vanilla Waffers.. lots of them
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: a couple people.. but at different times.. i dont like to give names though.
11. could you live without your computer?: Yes.
12. would you color your hair? yep.
13. could you ever get off the computer?: it's not likei'm chained to it
14. habla espanol? when throught 2 years then stopped
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: 44.. but ihave to go through and delete names gain.. will probably have about 30 if that.
16. drink alcohol? when i can