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[23 May 2004|11:36pm] |
Well i'm updating
Kinda tired, and could fall asleep but i would just wake up at 4 am so no need to do that.
It has been a good weekend. Dont want to go back to school but only got 7 days left so whatever right? I was thinking at work today. and i think it is being at school that aggravates me more then the people there. Just the environment itself if that makes sense. I never wanted to be there before but had a reason to go. Now theres no reason. I dont have practices or competitions that i have to be in school to be able to participate. So now it's just how ever many hours of wasting time so it irrates me then people start talking and i want to tell them to shut up but dont. I love not having to go to school. Summer soo close but this will be the looongest week.
My boss is going on vacation next week. so i get to work 33 hours. thatll be interesting. I work sunday through friday. Then saturday i'll have a parade in the morning, go to jamies grad party, then to kyles then back to jamies for the night. Just to wake up and work sunday again. oh the joys. I'll make alot of money that week though so thats always a plus.
I need to talk to momma k and find out if i'm gonna have to pay next time i go in to the office. cause i wont be 18 but would've graduated. gotta figure that one out so that if i do have to pay that i have the money.
So my last post i was really upset. that was the peak of everything so i should be good for the next couple weeks. yay. Theres a pattern to everything. just wish i knew how to prevent it from happening in the first place.
I dont know what kyle and i are.. like the title. friends, just talking, friends with benefits, dating. Yeah i just don't know. whats funny is for sports both our numbers are 14 and we starting, i guess, seeing each other on the 14th. I thought that was kinda interesting haha.
I decided i have to start exercising. there has been many sad attempts to start but nothing ever lasted more then a day. But i almost have to now. Without indoor, theres not physical activity. And from the way i eat, i need it or it'll catch up with me real fast. I ran a mile today and did lots of ab things. It's been a good 3-4 weeks since i've sweated like that haha.
I had coffee beanry yesterday. I think i spelled that wrong but thats ok. Im used to ordering from starbucks, so i said frappacino and the lady was like "what?" people these days.
I've had some wierd dreams lately. Like i'll dream something and then i'll see it. Like i had a dream that i told cristy to get me a frap. and i had one the next day. even though in the dream she didn't(bitch) haha then i had a dream i was eating peanuts, and Mrs pollock had them lastnight. Theres more stuff but its strange.
well i'm done. This doesn't say much. I was bored and didn't have much else to do. Hope you've enjoyed. Goodnight.
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| It's too hard. |
[20 May 2004|03:17pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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It's so hard to act happy when you're depressed...
When it first starts it's not that bad but after about a week it becomes to much. I was really short with people today and i'm not sorry about it so i wont apologize. The only good thing about being this is what ever it is i want to say comes out. It comes out loudly so i am told to stop yelling or to calm down. Sorry i cant calm down about that.
I never came to you and cried on your shoulder so i dont know what in the hell she is talking about. It doesnt have to do with you and her.
I - Don't - Give - A - Fuck
about anything... right now atleast
This is who i am. You never knew because you were never around. I'm trying to get rid of this but it keeps coming back. Its getting harder to deal with.
Nothing seems to help me anymore.
I left the school upset today. Sat in my car for a few minutes and cried. I really didn't want to leave. really just wanted to talk but couldn't. i need to talk things out with someone. Probably going to jamies tonight. Might not go to school tomorrow so that'll make good old Chelsey happy. Shell have you all to herself.
Which is fine. We're not dating. Why should I care? Hmm...
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| Thanks for trusting me. |
[18 May 2004|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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music |
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Staind - Epiphany |
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So much has happened this week. I dont know where to begin and i probably shouldn't put all of it in here so i won't.
Had the band concert tonight. It went well i suppose. I messed up in africa. I was kinda upset but got over it.
Went to McDonalds afterwards as usual. It was alright i suppose. Getting an award that i'm not going to accept at the band banquet. Theres no reason for things to make things any worse then what they already are.
After McDs i went to walmart to get stuff for Lindseys preschool day. I got depressed while i was in walmart for some reason. I dont know why. The past couple nights i was fine and happy, but now i'm on the verge of crying. I dont know why. I'm so tired and need to sleep, but i know if i go in my room i'll cry and cry. I hate these nights. They are when i need a hug the most and no one is around.
Yelled at my mom. She was being stupid. Kept asking stupid ass questions over and over after i already answered them. I feel bad that i took things out on her. but she doesn't understand when to stop. If i actualy told her why i was like this she wouldn't do anything about. Just say that i'm fine and nothing is wrong.
I miss my Pap.
I have another game tomorrow, then i get to work again thursday. Friday another half day of school, going to play softball with people then the band banquet. Not really looking forward to that one but it should be alright i guess. Dont have to work saturday. Happy about that one. Drive in? Probably.
<3
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| i miss everything |
[10 May 2004|02:24am] |
So it's about 2:30 in the morning... hold that thought i gots ta pee...
Alrighty then.
So as I was i saying. I can't sleep. I tried. laid there for an hour then just gave up. I'm starting to think i should give up on some other things as well even though it'll be hard.. thats one thing i should have learned.. but didn't.
I honestly hate being judged.
At first i felt really bad and hated myself for what happened. Then i remember how you felt and decided it wasn't worth worrying about you since you never gave a rats ass about me. THEN you called me a whore. Now, i just don't give a damn. I dont care how much you get hurt. Ahh so much too say but just can't.
I've realized that alot of my friends that i've known for the past 4 years dont know very much about me. They dont know of my relationships, friends, or any of my problems. For whatever reason i have always been given the title of a whore which is total bullshit. If They only knew how i felt about things maybe it would be different. Whores dont fall for people, they fall on people. Usually right on the cock. If you honestly think i'm like that, fuck off. Thats about all i have to say about that.
One thing i can't complain about is the fact that this year i have become alot closer to people that i have just started to hang out with basically this year. Sure there was always the occasional hang out or hello when we saw each other, but i've become alot closer with linds, beth, tori and phumelele. Jamie and i drifted for a little, but that was my fault. I was depressed and didn't deal with anything. But everything is good again. atleast with her. I'm always depressed. Trying to get over it alone.. hasn't worked out yet but you'll have that at times.
I hate seeing my friends get hurt. Even though we have never had the chance to have a normal friendship, i would still consider you a close friend. I would love to help you out, but you are banned from talking to me which kills me..
I honestly dont know where things are going to go. I know i said i would wait, but it was alot easier to say then to actually do. We were given a second chance, but it seems to be passing by... i have horrible timing..
I'm not going to sleep tonight. I have to wake up in 3 hours anyways.
It all seems to be bullshit.
prom over all sucked But there were some goodtimes
Saw and talk to Ryan for a little. I haven't talked to him for a loong time. I miss the long talks we used to have.
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[08 May 2004|03:24pm] |
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Things need to be set straight. You shouldn't have to put up the all the bullshit. I don't know how it explain it to you..
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| pretty. |
[07 May 2004|12:47am] |
Beth is home! i was excited to see her.. sorta :) haha i missed hating her... heh
Got my nails done! they are awesome. Thanks to lauren.
Woo hoo.. tonight turned out to be good. Yay.
beth made my journal spiffy. yep she did.
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[06 May 2004|08:35pm] |
I should update, but it'll be best if I wait.. I hate waiting.
two ways to look at things and they both suck. woo.
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| why must you fuck with my life. |
[04 May 2004|06:23pm] |
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mood |
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stressed |
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music |
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Thirty3 - Liars, Critics, and Bears Oh My! |
] |
well since i can't put anything in here with out people assuming different things, i made my previous entry private. It didnt even cut it for a friends list cause i dont know what is going on.
I wasn't in school for a day, and rumors are being spread. i think i know who it is that started them. I never really liked her anyways so its ok.
haha this one is my favorite..
8th period yesterday, during a meeting, i was sitting on a table, and kyle was standing next to me rubbing my back. First of all, Mr. B was the one sitting on the table, and kelly was sitting on a chair which i was standing behind playing with her hair. so unless kelly is a table.. i dunno.
Just stay out of my life and mind your own business.
I hate people.
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[25 Apr 2004|05:58pm] |
Percussion got third. Gateway pisses me off. Although i did talk to one of the guys in the group and he was nice, but they should be in Open. And the one judge if a fuck.
Guard got first! It was awesome. We all cried. It was beautiful.
Joylyn upset me. Afterwards she told me
" No offense, but I'm glad to see the guard get first and not the percussion."
That would be like if after of her softball games that they lose, saying "JIGGA I'm glad you lost." JIGGA what the fuck. (she always says jigga.)
I saw Deanne yesterday for a little. That was fun But i didnt see her after that.
I worked a long day today. 8 1/2 hours. thats a long time with shoes.
Tomorrow i work 2:30-6 then have practice 6-9
Tuesday i work 1-6 then have practice 6-9
Wednesdsay going to some museum then leaving for Wildwood, NJ. I cant wait.
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[18 Apr 2004|09:35pm] |
I've been sick since wednesday. Blah
Friday was supposed to go to Alexis's house because the fastpitch team was having a team party and they all wanted me there i guess.. but i heard it was canceled. I guess at the game or whatever they decided it have it. Jamie and joy left a message on my cell phone. But i didn't go. I felt like shit and had to wake up and be at the school at 9:30.
So I guess i was called a party pooper because i didn't go. Fuck that. If you were hacking up the shit i was, not beginning able to sleep because of coughing fits and just blah... you wouldn't want to go out drinking all night either.. only to wake up and listen to the pounding of drums and gock blocks.
Had to get that out. For some reason, when im sick it's no big deal and i'm all fine and dandy to others. I dont want to get baby, but i hate people people say shit.
Anyways, I went to Frums Friday after work til 12. then me and marcy came back here. And went right to bed. Woke up coughing alot.
Woke up around 7:30am got ready, Mcds breakfast, Practices then competition
FIRST PLACE! In both Percussion AND Guard. WoOt.
Went to cristys afterwards. Played monopoly and put peeps in the microwave. gave one to the dog... that was very amusing.
Bed. Coughing haha. I think i coughed in cristys face. haha. I hit my head on the ceiling once, but not to hard.
Today was a nice day. Jayden is awesome.
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[13 Apr 2004|11:07pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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music |
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Alkaline Trio - Radio |
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( WoOt. )
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[10 Apr 2004|02:16am] |
Break has been Awesome so far.
Wings was fun. Kelly and i looked like little kids with sauce all over us. Kelly was really bad though. Adam didn't have to be home at a certain time so we went to the mall. We played with the computers. Took a picture. I have to check to see if it sent.
Cristy got me addicted to coffee.
We went to see my gram thrusday. I miss her. Now that things are slowing down, i'll visit her more.
After that cristy and i went to robinson mall again to get my dress. Got more coffee.
People came over thursday night. Played pool and cards.
Worked today. Improv. Eat n Park
Now i'm here
Goodbye.
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| for serious |
[07 Apr 2004|07:02pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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ahem's, laughing, coughing |
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i am at the mall with kelly, cristy, marcy,and adam.
we are oh so cool.
the computers are like mall directories. heh.
kelly can't login &is getting angry.
~kelly
i am awesome. :) ...seriously.
mmm starbucks
adam is having trouble. to much noncoffee and little girl stores.
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| It's not worth my time |
[05 Apr 2004|10:15pm] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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I have alot to complain about, but it's no use because it's not going to change anything.
All i can say is that percussion was horrible.. snares still dont know thier notes for the opener. I dont play my part perfect.. but i know it.. all of it.
We got a "you're not working hard enough speech" Personally i'm sick of hearing it. Yes it has to be said because it's true for the majority of the group. but i dont want to hear it because i am. I stayed after school for over an hour today, with a met. and practiced just to return to the school in an hour and a half for rehearsal to hear shit come form the line.
theres so much to say. but you dont care to hear about it.
Tomorrow i have guard 6-9. I hope that goes better.
Wednesday i'm going to quaker steak and lube with marcy and adam. that should be fun.
Thats all im going to say tonight.
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[04 Apr 2004|11:38pm] |
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| Now for a real update.. |
[04 Apr 2004|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
I was too tired last night.. and i'm really tired now since i had to wake up and go to work today.. anyways
The Gateway Clipper was so much fun! Hatcher and I talked on the way home. That was cool. We talked about home life and just stuff, and we understand what each other goes through.
Saturday, we were supposed tohave the gym but didn't. Grr. Guard took the floor mat outside. and it almost blew away. percussion practiced on the patio.
During the percussion show, my horn fell off. The show wasn't bad. The second tenor solo wasn't all that great.. either was the one in the last song. oh well. The judges liked it. We got an 82.something.
Guard just pissed me off. The group acts like little kids. Can't stretch with out someone there to supervise us. I hate when people dick around before a show. Jeffy says he needs to be nervous before a show to do well. Meanwhile he's not even thinking about it. He went out for his solo and didn't even do the correct work... and laughed about it. It killed me. Also he didn't do his little arm,leg thing. Everyone else has to do little body things but jeffy just takes them right now.
I love Jeffy. He's one of my best friends, but he just pisses me off sometimes.
I'm going to catch up on some sleep.
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[30 Mar 2004|10:46pm] |
YES OR NO
x. Do the voices talk only to you: no
x. Are you straight: yes
x. Are you short: no
x. Do you own a hot pink shirt: yes
x. Do you like Marilyn Manson: i dont really listen to him, but liked the songs i have heard.
x. Did you ever touch someone else's no-no spot: yes
x. Do you shop at Hot Topic: yes
x. Do you remember your dreams: most of the time
x. Do you talk a lot: Not really
x. Are you afraid of clowns: some
x. Can you drive: yes
x. Are you an only child: no
The date : 3.30.04
How was your day: i was tired today but it wasn't all that bad.
Main event of today: brusters
What really happened today : school, food, work, fashion bug, brusters, here.
What did you want to happen : not go to school and sleep... well seeing someone would've been cool, but it wouldn't happen anyways.
First song you heard today : i dont know
First thing you ate today : banana
First person you touched today : i think jeffy
First thing you said today: "Okay, I know.. Yes.."
Who did you talk to most today : Cristy
What did you wear today : sweatpants, jeffy's hoodie. work clothes
Who made you smile today : alot of people.
Who made you mad today : no one
Who made you cry today : no one today
Who did you want to have sex with today : no one really haha
What do you want today : cds
What more are you doing today : Sleeping.. maybe reading
Best thing of the day: brusters
Worst thing : waking up
Best person : Mrs Kahler
Worst person : kelly, she wasn't in class today.
Did you..
Get on the computer today : well i am using the computer to do this...
Watch tv : yes.. but not really. wasn't watching anything.. just sitting for a little before work.
Take a shower : yes
Brush your teeth : yes
Kiss anyone : Nope
Hug anyone : eh not really.
Have sex with any one: nope, not for a while.
Eat : banana, chips, crackers, snickers, cereal, hot dogs, chicken, pretzel w/ cheese, and ice cream.
Listen to the radio : in the morning
Fall in love : Nope
Cry: Not today
Do drugs: nope
Steal: no
What time did you wake up today : i woke up at 6 but didn't get up til 6:45
How many times did you hit snooze : 5 or 6
What time are you going to bed tonight : Soon.
What are you doing tomorrow : school, something with cristy, then practice
What do you want to happen tomorrow : To talk to you.
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| yay |
[28 Mar 2004|12:11am] |
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mood |
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 full |
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Camp kon o kwe was on friday! i haven't had that much fun for a while! Did the climbing wall, had races, got bruised.
Played some football, kick ball, and frez bee in the mud.
Our group had a buffet.
Did the trust fall. I was scared and wanted to cry be cause people were rushing me. But i did it.
I want to go back. It was fun being with everyone again.
Competition today!!
From the begining of percussion practice, it didn't look like the day was going to go well.. but it did! The show was one our best run throughs.
Guard did good too. We are still last but the score went up about 5 points. We're catching up Avonsworth. :p
Saw Deanne. Yay. :)
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus. I saw him again on the way to the buses! He's a bus driver!
Santa was at the competition. it was crazy.
After we were done there, we went to Mcds. I had 20pc nugget and 2pies. but still wanted more.. and jeffy wanted to see how much he could eat since he had 10 nuggets and a sandwich and fries.. so we took up a donation for more money and order 40 more nuggets.. it was great. We finished them.
Thats about it. :)
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| Why do I put my self through it. |
[24 Mar 2004|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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Rufio - In my eyes |
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I made a promise to myself that i wouldn't do Indoor Percussion this year. I wish I could just quit, right now and not go to practice tomorrow. Not listen to speeches of responsiblity. I do my part. So i forgot my newspaper for a practice or two? Atleast i know my notes. I can care less about the damn paper. It was my fault that i didn't have it and i had it this week so i fixed my mistake.
NOTES. Jesus Christ. I wouldn't even want to be at practice if i didnt know the music that i was going to be playing... or not playing for that matter. You say you were practicing and that they could trust that you were practicing.. You didn't even know where your damn music was!!
I'm sick trying so hard when its not worth it at all. The floor mat is a piece of shit. We have to have it set up so the guard knows what they doing but it no use trying to help.. some people are bullheaded.. i think thats the right word.. i dont' care
Then people complain about being there so late.. Well if they weren't standing around with their thumbs up their asses we wouldn't be there til 20 after.
I really dont care about anything right now. I have so much shit to do and just can't bring myself to do it. I have to try to pull it together tonight and finish most of it but i dont think i will. I'm supposed to go to breakfast tomorrow but i'm not going. that way i can stay up later and still sleep in. so i can make it through the practiceS tomorrow.
My binder of music is gone. There was soo much music in there. It gone.
I dont want to wake up tomorrow, or next day. I dont want to live this life anymore. I want to hang out with friends and have fun. Since these are supposed to be the best days of my life... I hate it... HATE IT.
I guess i'm playing softball this summer. I REALLY dont want to though. But i was so sick of being bothered with it. Everyday someone would ask me and try to make fe feel bad. I didn't feel bad but just can't take it anymore. So thats another i'm going to be doing that i dont want to do.
Let me live my life.
Dad can kiss my ass. The only time he is nice is when he is drunk or wants something. I really hate it here. I want to leave for a little.
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| hello there |
[21 Mar 2004|11:41pm] |
I want to complain but don't like to complain to people.
I complain alot.
Anyways. Interp. Writing. We read three short stories in class, and are supposed to write a begining or ending to one of the stories. I can't do things like that. If i could i would be in creative writing. bah.
I sucked at the guard show. Completely sucked. Well really only at the sabre part. but still. I just let go of the damn thing. Then i tossed the triple and caught it right.. yea.. so then we do a half then single.. Definitely dropped the HALF! I was pissed. so then we go to do a flat toss. Dropped that too. I did all of it fine in warm ups. Worst show for Gina. She was pissed.
I felt bad because I was a dick to people afterwards. Sorry. I was really pissed.
Was told I'm hotT as a girl. I guess if i have make up, and curl my hair i become hott. Maybe thats why i'm single.. i dont do the girl things. Oh well.
In between the shows, i got all depressed for some reason. I didnt want to be there. If Deanne was there, I would've had someone to talk to. I just felt alone for some reason.
Cristy sat with me on the bus. that was fun. After we got home we went to wendys haha
I cant' explain how funny this was. We ordered 2 of everything on the dollar menu. Except for the salads because they didn't have any left. But we got extra nuggets instead. So each of us had
2 orders of 5pc nuggets
Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger
Jr. Cheeseburger Deluxe
Frosty
Drink
Baked Potato
Chili
Fries
Thats alot of food haha. The total came to $16 something. We couldn't stop laughing while ordering. They probably thought we were high. They didn't Charge us for the potatoes.. the sucked anyways.
I ate pretty much everything.. Not all of the potato because it was one of the last things i ate, and it was nasty. And we saved the frostys for the morning. Ha, cristy had nuggets for breakfast.
anyways. i have alot to say but it's not worth typing out. Because it doesn't matter if it in here or not.
but i will say
I'm glad you had a good time... without me.
That could be toward a couple people. But no one in particular and no ones fault but mine. I've fucked up alot.
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[14 Mar 2004|12:21am] |
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mood |
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content |
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My parents need to grow up.
You know how people who have been friends since 1st grade fight? then are best friends within a day? thats how my parents are. But i wouldn't say they are best friends.
I hope I never have to go through what my mom has gone through. I wouldn't put up with it personally.
She told me she wasn't going to talk to him, but the next day, they got in to a big fight. Glad i wasn't here. I came home and mom told me about it. And said she was filing for divorice. Honestly, i wish she would. She really needs to get away from him. Niether of them want to live. They are unhappy. Why put up with it?
It's so annoying.
I saw andrew today! He gave me a big big hug. I love hugging him. Thank you. It meant alot.
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| You can't judge irrational actions from a rational persective |
[11 Mar 2004|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Yellowcard - One year six months |
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3 more days and my life wont be so much of a hell anymore. It'll still be a little hectic but not so much.
The first musical show is tomorrow. I'm excited for it. But i have to work Saturday and go to the show after then the same sunday.
I still have to talk to Jamie. I dont know when I will be able to do that.
I dont like life at home is going to be getting better right now. Actually, I know it'll be getting worse. There will be so much tension between the parents and I'll be stuck in the middle as usual. They will both come up to me complaining about the other. I really don't want to hear it. Mom complains that she doesn't want him around. I tell her to leave if she that unhappy but she won't. Then Dad just talks down to everyone. He's been acting wierd lately.. and i realized why today.
He is a recovering alcoholic. He starting drinking a couple months back but went back to this place to stop. When he came back he was a complete dick. But he got better. Well today after school tried to talk to me. I smelled alcohol on his breath but thought "oh no he wouldn't start up again." But after he kept talking and how he was talking and everything i realized he was drunk.
Mom has been short with me since our arguement about softball. She won't talk to me. Nows she's not talking to Dad. I dont like being here. Even though i'm only here at night, thats too much.
This afternoon my dad told me he loves me. He said it like 28 times. And said all this crap about wanting to help me with school and basically just praising himself and how great of a person he is. It's not very often someone says i am loved. He was drunk. He has told me before, but only when something has gone wrong or someone was argueing. Mom never says she loves me. When I was younger she would, but i'd have to say it first and when she said it seemed like it was a job for her to do, not because she wanted to.
That might be why it is so hard for me to say now. I can't tell someone i love them. If I do, I cry everytime. I really hate crying. This is the first night in a long time i've actually just cried and got out everything that has been built up.
I was talking to Mr. Hammond today about softball. He said that i was going to regret it and that "these are the best years of my life." I told him that if these are supposed to be the best, then i dont want to live the rest of my life.
Don't go to the damn guidance office and tell them that you think i am suicial. I'm not. It was just a statement. I added this because I was called down twice last year.
I enjoy somethings that I am doing. But not enough of them to cancel out the other things. Lots of things should be fixed after high school. Atleast I hope so.
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| i can't take much more of this... |
[07 Mar 2004|11:37pm] |
There so much shit going on right now. I can't wait until the musical is over and i actually have sometime to myself. I do so much during the week and its like people don't realize.
Sorry I can't tell you something as soon as it happens. I dont have the time dammit!
That really kills me. I don't have time to even talk to people about anything or just have fun or relax for a little.
I fall asleep for 10 mins in between practices just so i can somewhat make it through the next one. Just to come home and get nagged by someone and them telling me how hard it is to talk to me. Give me a fucking break. I told you my sheledule and that i need to work to keep up with things. But thats not good enough, huh?
I have so much to say to so many people it's just all coming out at once. Its probably confusing.
I saw Deanne lastnight. That made me very happy but i didn't get to see her very long :( I have to keep in touch with her more. I miss her so much. I was thinking about her at work and wanted to cry. Lucky i was in the back most of the time.
I feel so alone anymore. Like no one knows how i feel, but some have too. I hate when people ask my opinion and just say "no you don't understand." once that happens i stop listening because it's not worth my time if someone is going to be like that.
Things aren't going well right now. I tell people they are getting better when asked. "I'm doing good, much better then before." When really I'm just going down down down. But I've learned hide behind my smile.
I'm done for now.
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| yes.. i'm very bored |
[28 Feb 2004|11:34pm] |
i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Gina
2. single or taken: single.. as usual
3. sex: take a wild guess.
4. birthday: 7*29
6. siblings: 3
7. hair color: blondish
8. eye color: i guess blue
9. shoe size: 9.5
10. height: 5'6
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends?: jamie, beth, kelly, cristy
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: i did just say i was single right?
f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: i like hot topic, but i dont buy clothes.. just like the place.
2. any tattoos or piercings: ears, tongue, naval
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs?: not usually
2. what kind of shampoo do you use?: whatever is in there.. suave right now i think?
3. what are you most scared of?: being alone and dark rooms
5. who is the last person that called you?: i think my mom
6. where do you want to get married?: where? i dont know
7. how many buddies are online right now?: 15 but 7 are away.. i need to cut the list down again cause i dont talk to people on there much.
8. what would you change about yourself?: lots of things
f a v o r i t e s
1. color: grey
2. food: ramen, cheesecake, peanutbutter and jelly
3. boys names: none
4. girls names: none
5. subjects in school: math
6. animals: monkeys
7. sports: haha band
h a v e y o u e v e r
1. given anyone a bath?: jayden
2. smoked?: uh huh
3. bungee jumped?: nah
4. made yourself throw up?: yeep
5. skinny dipped?: nope
6: ever been in love?: yeah..
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: not really if i cry i cry because i need to.
8. pictured your crush naked?: don't need to picture it haha
9. actually seen your crush naked?: if you want to call im a crush then yes.
10. cried when someone died?: Yes.
11. lied: i have but i wish i never did
12. fallen for your best friend?: no
13. been rejected?: well i wouldn't really call it rejected because i never make an effort to be with anyone.
14. rejected someone?: yeah i guess
15. used someone?: not really
16. done something you regret?: many many things
c u r r e n t
clothes: Jeffys hoodie, jeans, socks
music: Mom's watching the tv
make-up: none
annoyance: i'm exhausted but can't sleep
smell: my house?
favorite group:? probably dashboard or less than jake
desktop picture: jayden.. mom picks that..
book youre reading: i started to read Ellen Degeneres' book
in cd player: Blink 182
in dvd player: Up here Lion King 1 1/2, downstairs.. i dont think anything
color of toenails: nothing
l a s t | p e r s o n
you touched: jayden
hugged: jayden but.. before that.. im not sure.. i hugged someone at guard lastnight.. but i haven't had a good hug for a while.
you imed: cristy
you yelled at: probably my mom but i never mean it.
you kissed: Ryan
a r e | y o u
understanding: yes
open-minded: i usually am.. but i dont think i am as much as i wish to be
arrogant: someone said i was
insecure: yes
interesting: theres alot to know about me.. most dont know anything
random: not much
hungry: not at the moment
smart: Yeah.
moody: Yes
hard working: When i want to be
organized: No
healthy: I guess so.. not dead yet..
shy: sometimes
difficult: sometimes
attractive: i dunno.. you'll have to decide that one
bored easily: not if there is someone around
messy: uh huh
obsessed: nah
R A N D O M
In the morning i am: tired
all i need is: a hug. A real hug. From someone that wants to give me a hug. not just because i said i need one.
love is: love
i dream about: wierd shit..and relationships
o p p o s i t e s e x
what do you notice first: smile
last person you slow danced with: oh wow.. no clue..
worst question to ask: Do you love me
makes you laugh the most: Kenny
makes you smile: Andrew
who do you have a crush on: i'm not all to sure
who has a crush on you: no one that i know of
d o y o u e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: no
wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: no
wish you were younger: Yes. i thought about that the other day.
cried because someone said something to you?: yes.
N u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: once or twice
of hearts i have broken: 3 or 4
of guys ive kissed: i dont keep count. lemmie think... ever about 9 or 10.. real kisses.. probably 6 or 7
of girls ive kissed: none.. yet i'm a dyke? hmmmm
of continents i have lived in: 1
of tight friends: 1 maybe 2
of cds i own: dont ask that
of scars on my body: no clue.. i don't feel like counting .. there are too many
F i n a l Q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like fillings these out?: No but i'm bored
2. gold or silver: silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies?: Return of the King
7. favorite cartoon/anime?: South Park
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning?: Vanilla Waffers.. lots of them
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: a couple people.. but at different times.. i dont like to give names though.
11. could you live without your computer?: Yes.
12. would you color your hair? yep.
13. could you ever get off the computer?: it's not likei'm chained to it
14. habla espanol? when throught 2 years then stopped
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: 44.. but ihave to go through and delete names gain.. will probably have about 30 if that.
16. drink alcohol? when i can
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[28 Feb 2004|10:55pm] |
x: name = Gina Gina
:x: piercings = 5 in one ear,3 in the other, belly button, tongue
:x: tattoos = not til i'm 18
:x: height= 5'6
:x: shoe size = 9.5
:x: siblings = 2 brothers, 1 sister
LAST...
:x: movie you saw = happy gilmore
:x: movie you bought = i dont buy movies
:x: song you listened to = Blink 182 - I miss you
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Miss America
:x: cd you bought = Blink 182
:x: cd you listened to = Blink 182 haha
:x: person you've called = Mom
:x: person that's called you = Mom
:x: tv show you've watched = Law and Order
:x: person you were thinking of = shouldn't say.
DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = i guess you could call it that.
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = Yes but not right now.
:x: you think about suicide = not much
:x: you believe in online dating = Thats retarded.
:x: others find you attractive = I've been told that but yea.
:x: you want more piercings = Yes and i will get more.
:x: you like cleaning = Sometimes.. depends
:x: you like roller coasters = eh not really
:x: you write in cursive or print = it's sorta mixed together
FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = Against, they usually never work.. but sometimes do if your not all that far away.
:x: using someone = Against, but it happens alot.
:x: suicide = Against. but its your life
:x: killing people = Against
:x: teenage smoking = go for it if ya want
:x: driving drunk = Against. Against. Against.
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = For.
:x: soap operas = watch them if ya want.. i dont have time
HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a guy = too many times
:x: ever cried over a friendship = Yep.
:x: ever lied to someone = Yes.
:x: ever been in a fist fight = Nope
:x: ever been arrested = Not really
WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = depends.. whichever i grab.. really doesn't matter
:x: shoes do you wear = usually tennis shoes. or sneakers.. whatever you want to call them
:x: are you scared of = Being alone, entering dark rooms.
NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love?= maybe once
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = once
:x: of hearts I have broken? = 2 maybe 3.. :/
:x: of guys you've obsessed over who wouldn't date you: none
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?= not sure..
:x: of scars on my body? = really dont feel like counting all of them.
:x: of things in my past that I regret? = too many to count
:x: of guys that have seen you naked?= 4?
:x: number of girls that have seen you naked?= none
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty - not really
:x: funny - i usualy have to amuse myself so yeah i guess.
:x: hot - psht, it's hotT. Get it right.
:x: friendly - For the most part
:x: amusing - haha i think so.
:x: ugly - i wouldn't say that
:x: loveable - when i want to be
:x: caring - yes.
:x: sweet - eh
:x: dorky - not really
Favorite:
5 letter word: christ.. dammit thats 6.. um.. yea i dont know.. thurr
actor/actress: I love Jim Carrey
Candy: SMARTIES!
Cartoon: South Park
Cereal: Lucky Charms.
Chewing gum: Orbit
Color(s): grey
Color nail polish: don't wear it.
Least fave day: Sunday.
Day of week: Usually tuesday
Flower: any flower.. i dont get flowers though
Jello flavor: any
Jewelry: two rings, $2 necklace, yarn bracelet, and i bought some new bracelets today
Special skills/talents: percussion i guess.
Summer/Winter: summer kicks ass
Trampolines or swimming pools: pool i guess. i dunno.
|| Person who last.. ||
Slept in your bed: either me or the cats..
Saw you cry: no clue
Made you cry: people.. it was just mixed shit i guess.
You went to the movies with: um.. beth and jeffy
Yelled at you: probably my dad
Sent you an email: Marie Chapman haha
|| Have you ever.. ||
Said "I love you" and meant it?: Yes
Gone out in public in your pajamas: yep
Kept a secret from everyone: Yes.
Cried during a movie: yep
Planned your week based on the TV Guide: nope
Been on stage: yes
Been to New York: i think i drove through it once.
Hawaii: no
China: No
Canada: yep
Europe: no
Asia: no
South America: no
Australia: christ the countries i've been to are american and canada!
Wished you were the opposite sex: nope
What time is it now?: 11 26
Apples or bananas?: depends
Blue or red?: red
Walmart or target?: Kmart haha
Spring or Fall?: SRPING!
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: Sit.
What was the last meal you ate?: two packs of beef ramen
High school or college?: in highschool
Are you bored?: obviously
Last noise you heard?: tv
Last smell you sniffed?: ramen
|| Friendship/Love ||
Do you believe in love at first sight?: no
Do you want children one day & if so, how many?: yes. atleast 2. maybe iw ont be able to have kids.. if thats the case i'll be pissed for a couple reasons.
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: trustworthy
|| Other Info ||
Criminal record?: I'm not sure.
Do you speak any other languages?: eh very little spanish. i'm going to take itin college though.
Last book you read: Dibs
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: Monkey shelves, walls, blankets.
Worst feeling in the world: lonely, unwanted,
Who you love: family, friends, jayden.
Who you miss: Some people but i shouldnt' say who.
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| now i'm back to waking up to nothing |
[22 Feb 2004|07:43pm] |
This weekend was so exhausting but fun. Well friday night and part of saturday were.
This whole week i've been running around. Tuesday wasn't bad. Only had one practice that day. Wednesday i had musical and percussion.. but got to go home for a little first. Thursday had percussion after school, then musical and then guard.. one after the other. Friday was guard then straight to work. Found out that on saturday i was needed to work 8 or 9 hours instead of 5 because my manager couldn't come in. After work friday i drove down to wvu to visit. we had a late night and an early morning but ihad to leave because of work. I was supposed to be able to stay til about 3 had to be at work by at least 2. So i worked til 10, came home pasted out. Work up to go to work today.
Blah blah blah
I was supposed to go over heidi's house to paint, but i worked to 5. I still have an essay to write for interp but i have a study hall tomorrow. so it's not that bad.
this sucks.
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[19 Feb 2004|09:38pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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i felt that i should post something.. but i dont have much to say.
I finally got my senior pictures taken. So if you want one, let me know. I tell you when they come in.
Graduation is soon. I can't wait to be out of highschool. I'm going to miss seeing people and all the activities i do.
I got drunk sunday. Haven't done that for awhile and it was lots of fun. People gotta start inviting me to that.
Yep.
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[10 Feb 2004|09:32pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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The Freshmen |
] |
I hate being judged by my parents. AH! Mom doesn't know me. she thinks she does. She wants me to be this popular, pretty lady. Sorry mom. I'm no popular and i'm not a pretty lady. She says i need to grow up. This all came up because of my hair. It's not a big deal. She lets on thing upset her and she just goes off. Supposedly when i dye my hair, i do it for attention. Attention is the last thing i want. She doesn't know me. It made me cry. First time in over 2 months. Thanks.
Now i'm being nagged about softball. I dont care if it's my last year, i just don't want to play. I know i've been on the team since it started.. doesn't matter. The only thing i think about is that it is the coaches' last year, and if i joined it would be for them and jamie. blah
I hate writing classes. I have to write an essay on my thoughts of war and the poems we read. I dont care about war. I dont follow politics at all. Don't interest me. At all.
It'd be cool to live in Canada.
I cant wait til i go to florida to see kevin. I wont want to come back. I want to move to Arizona. and start over
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